S, M, T, W, Th, F, S.

“You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but spelling isn't everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count.”
- Winnie the Pooh

Well, I am alive, and doing well. There is something to be said for both of those facts. How difficult articulating what that something is, depends on what day it is.

I have certainly had a few low points over the last weeks, mostly secondary to working too hard, and a general feeling of not being smart enough, or sometimes, not strong enough.

I have been thinking that medicine might be comparable to motherhood in many ways. I don't know for sure, because so far I only personally know medicine, but from what I see of motherhood, it goes something like this:

Being a mother is a gruelling job. For an indefinite amount of time you put the needs of others before your own, and often you aren't recognized enough for doing this. You shed blood, and sweat, and tears for your cause, and sometimes it seems like you are doing so for no, or little gain. You are sleep deprived, and out of shape, and sometimes it is all you can do to feed yourself enough to make it through the day. And you need help. You are always wondering if you are good enough at it, and second guessing decisions you are making, and trying to evaluate if you should be more or less like other mothers. sometimes it will be years before you understand the consequences of any particular action, and often you will never know how you have changed the lives of those who you are responsible for. And just when you think that all of this adds up to something too overwhelming to manage, your child flashes their dimply little smile, comes to you in tears for comfort they trust you to provide, or shares with you something they are proud of, and you are proud of, and your motivations become clear to you again. Heck, you wonder why you don't want to have a hundred more.


I had a particular day, actually, 2 days I guess, just over two weeks ago, that was chalk full of success. A "TSN turning point" as some people might label it. Finally blogging about it, I am going to count as another point in the positivity column. Check.

Anyway, on one giant day, I celebrated the following three successes.

One: a man with terminal stomach cancer, that I had been taking care of for almost two weeks smiled at me. He didn't quite say thank-you, but almost. This is a guy who, for the twelve or so days before, had endearingly referred to me as "the meanie" in a monotone voice, with actually no hint of a smile. If the hospital was the Hundred Acre Woods, this man would be Eeyore. Turns out he did appreciate me coming in to torture him everyday after all.

Two: at 2am during my night on call, I performed a successful lumbar puncture (spinal tap) entirely by myself. No one was even watching me. It was the first time I was successful, and the first time I had been by myself.

Three: I made greeting cards with Trish. Just an hour and a half of paper, and scissors, and glue (and Trish). Bliss.

And so it goes.

i dream of christina.

"It's a good thing we don't have any kids yet," I told Alex on the phone yesterday, "because they probably would have died by now."

Last weekend, of the 72 hours between Friday at 7am and Monday morning at the same time, I worked 72 of them, and Kyle worked 48. Then I added a 9-hour Monday onto it. Yowza.

So far it hasn't killed us (or any of the houseplants, although they have been a little wilted at times), so we must be stronger I guess. Also it has made us very excited about our week of vacation, which starts tomorrow.

Despite the progression of the dark circles under my eyes, I am still enjoying it here. I think that Kyle feels the same, although I can more accurately report on his feelings after I get to talk to him sometime tomorrow afternoon. He has been doing obstetrics, and I am doing pediatrics, so we have had chances to talk over the last bit, only it is usually over whether or not there is going to be a c-section that I am going to be called in for later, or when the woman about to deliver received her last dose of narcotics.

With Kyle delivering babies, and me taking care of them, we have become even more excited about the possibility of our own little Merllins...sometime. It's good that they aren't here yet though, wilted kids don't respond to a little watering and a new window position as well as the plants do, and I didn't need my last 3 weeks of pediatrics to know that.

checking in.

written as an e-mail...sometime last week

I am now three weeks into residency and almost done my first block of internal medicine. Overall I am really enjoying Prince George. Our house is slowly coming together, and most spare minutes and bits of energy we have spent cleaning or fixing various things, scavenging for free or cheap used furniture, and generally getting set-up. I keep thinking that there will come a time in my life when doing all these house chores and errands will make me crazy or bored, but for now I am contented to be nesting. I find that I enjoy the simple tasks, and Kyle and I both are happy to putter around and create our new home. Last weekend (our first one off) we really turned the corner with our furniture situation, and most rooms are looking like someone lives in them now. Having more space is so nice, and we LOVE having the yard. Our raspberries are really coming to life since we arrived and started to water them, and we are going to have more apples than we will be able to eat/process in the fall. I really do love apples, so I am really excited about that. The guest bedroom is the project for this weekend, so anytime you want to visit...

Other than our various errands, we haven't really had the chance to explore the area. I keep hearing about all the fun outdoor activities, but we haven't had the time to check it out too much. We are going to a 'river float' down the Nechako on Sunday and we joined the YMCA last week! I hope to get on my bike a little bit soon, apparently there are some good rides out to the lakes surrounding town, and there seems to be lots of residents and med students who are into being active.

The resident group we are a part of seems to be pretty like-minded, and we are getting along quite well. We have been having Friday get togethers, and there is talk of a knitting group in the works! The girl that is the other resident on internal medicine right now and I get along very well which is so nice. We have have plans for spinning at the gym together, and her fiancee has come out to play ultimate and hang out with Kyle and Cortney. It is so nice to have Trish and Cortney here, who make it feel more like home (we have dinner together a couple times a week). We are certainly going to miss them next year.

The start of residency itself has been very positive and overwhelming! I LOVE the Prince George Hospital. The staff has been so friendly and helpful which is such a welcome change from Vancouver, I don't even know if I can articulate how much I appreciate it. It is so wonderful. Also, the medicine has been quite varied and interesting, I feel like I am learning a ton. It is overwhelming sometimes to deal with the change in responsibility, but I have a way better perspective now than when I started my third year. I am prepared for low times, and hits to the confidence, and I know that they will come for certain, and they will also pass for certain. All the challenges are the same as in med school, but the benefits of knowing your way around a hospital (any hospital), and the accelerated learning that comes with being a little more autonomous is amazing! Scary and good, I guess that is what I expected! It is a much better headspace for me this time, even though I have confirmed once more that I do not like internal medicine very much! I am having to just take one week at a time though, because when I think if how tired I already feel, and know that I am going to be this tired for the WHOLE YEAR it gets me a little down. Our schedule is way crazier even than in 3rd year. whooo. On Monday I start peds.

My computer died shortly after arriving, and my new one is not set to get here until next Friday, so that has been kind of frustrating...also expensive. It is hard to stay on top of my e-mails and harder to send all my new contact information out without it. I did get my first paycheck last week though!

So, all in all we are doing well here. I am doing well here, and I am really pleased that we will be training in PG for the next couple of years. It seems like a great community, and a fantastic medical community. I have been so busy that I have only had a few moments that I have slowed down enough (and not fallen asleep) to think about missing home, but I do of course. I miss knowing how close I am to everyone even when I don't have time to get together, and I miss the convenience of living in the city, and I miss the sushi! I am excited about our new place and stage though, and the space and pace of being out of the city is a welcome change (just wish they had an IKEA up here!) I am excited to have visitors to come and see it and share it with us!

the next first days

Tomorrow at 8am I start my first call shift as a resident.

I blogged about my first days as a clinical clerk in my third year in September 2007. It seems like that was a long time ago, and I have learned so much since then, but it also seems like yesterday in some ways, and I can remember my fear well.

Tomorrow morning I will head to the hospital, with the same fear, mixed with a little excitement. This time I know that I will survive one way or another, and that for every moment I feel like I want to quit and runaway, I will have hundreds of moments in which I want to stay exactly where I am.


Wish me luck.

georgie porgie

It seems that I have been in the business of arriving lately. My latest arrival being in Prince George, where I will spend the next few years (at least).

Last Friday, after about 16 hours of the combined efforts of approximately 8 people, 2 trips to U-Haul and the purchase 2 bike racks, and several donations to Katelyn's new place, most of the contents of our apartment, and the Gooshers apartment were packed and ready to leave for PG. We rolled out early Saturday morning with the boys in the truck (and attached trailer) and the girls each driving a car, and arrived at the new Goosher residence safe and sound that evening.

The next day we drove the 3 blocks from Cortney and Trisha's to our new house to see it for the first time and start unpacking. The house is old, but quite a nice space, with a huge yard that has raspberry bushes, an apple tree, and several gorgeous peony plants! I have dreams of cleaning up some of the available planters for a vegetable garden, but I think I will have to see what kind of energy my call schedule leaves me with.


After living as two people in 500 square feet, it has been an adjustment to occupy a 2 level + unfinished basement, 3-bedroom house, with a yard! I never imagined that I would have to spend time considering which of the 4 possible storage spots for the vacuum cleaner is the most functional, but it is a fun and welcome change!


Kyle and I decided that the paint in the master bedroom was sufficiently worn/pastel enough to warrant a days work...which turned into two of us spending two days painting (again with the list) 4 trips to home depot, 4 different colours, 10-15 tears shed, and 3 gallons of leftover paint, some more useful than others. In the end 3 walls are off white, and one is chocolate brown, and we are mostly satisfied.

colour #2: baby poop

the final coat: just brown

Wednesday night, the eve of orientation we went to sleep in our new bed with our new sheets, in our new room with its new walls, in our new house, in our new town. I like it so far. It seems surreal that we are actually here, starting residency.

trading rain.

For the most part I try not to daydream when I am riding my bike through the city (instead trying to stay focused on the traffic and other hazards) but two days ago when I was riding home in the sunshine I couldn't help but think about how I was going to miss this city. It was an absolutely beautiful day, and I was cruising through the tree-lined streets. I am going to miss doing that.

Here are some other things I am going to miss:

• Riding my bike through another rainy November
• Running to the beach and checking on the eagle's nest
• Spaghetti sauce at my mom's
• My mom constantly trying to send us home with half of her orange juice, or cheese, or Spring Mix greens, or sea salt
• My family
  
• The Burrard St. bridge
• Delicious Asian food of all kinds (mostly noodles and sushi)
• The sunshine in February
• The rain the rest of the year
• The fresh air
• Running errands on 4th Ave.
• Bard on the Beach
• Salad wraps at Granville Island

...just a few. The list is longer, but I have to get back to packing. Tomorrow we load the truck, and Saturday morning we hit the long road to PG.

a pig named ¨sugar.¨

Well, after 14 hours of travel including walking-taxi-train-taxi-ferry-bus-walking, we arrived in Benalmadena, Spain just (really, just). Today is our4th full day here, and yesterday was the first time I left the hotel property for fear of being caught too far away from a bathroom. Evidently my last plate of couscous gave me an extra special surprise. It´s probably a good thing that our apartment has two single beds! We do push them together each night, but that crack in the middle allows for a certain amount of privacy.

The first couple of days, I pretty much just laid around and watched television in variety of languages. My most entertaining time was a dream I had in which I got a little black pot-bellied pig named, ¨Sugar¨ for a pet. ¨Good name,¨ I thought - I am going to save it in case I ever actually get a little black pot-bellied pig for a pet.

Since then I have visited the pool a few times, and managed a whole 6 minutes of running this morning - things are looking up, thanks to my dear friend Loperamide. It is a relaxing change of pace to be in this vacation town. Now our entertainment comes from marvelling at the British people staying at our resort. Almost everyone else is British, and they are almost entirely unfortunately overweight, smoking, sun-worshippers. I say unfortunate, because only about 2 per hundred acheive a tan, and the other 98 are remain very white...until they turn very pink...sometimes red.

We spend three more nights here, and then we are back to the big city. We will spend three nights in Madrid before heading home.

1000 camels.

written June 3, 2009

We are on day #4 in Morocco. It is a very different part of Africa than Ghana. Think Aladdin. We spent 2 days in Tanger, which is a port city, and then took the train to Fes, where we are now. We are staying in the oldest and most confusing medival Arab city in the world - 9500 narrow winding alleys! Even the locals get lost, so we are hoping to find our way back ok tonight. This afternoon we hired a guide, so this is our first forray by ourselves. Options if we get REALLY lost: pay a local kid to take us back, find the picture we took of the host's phone number and ask him to come and get us.

This place is very interesting. I have never been anywhere predominantly Muslim before, and I am actually glad that it is Kyle I am with this time and not Leisha. Our last night in Tanger, we braved the cafe to have some Moroccan tea (most delicious) but I was the only female we had seen in the whole city sitting down for a drink. Since we have been in Fes I have had the following comments: I have a beautiful Arab face, my 'maman' must be from Morocco, Kyle could either trade me for 1000 camels, or he should buy me that many - we aren't sure. As long as I didn't talk, if I was wearing local garb I would pass for local - I think that this is actually helpful when we are walking through the market. Speaking of garb, you can't show your knees or shoulders here, and we are getting used to feeling really hot!

It is also my first trip somewhere where there is so little English. Fes is actually better than Tanger, because there are more tourists here - although most of them are European. I am busting more French than I have ever had to before, but it makes the travelling a little more intimidating and funny. People speak French to us, although they assume that we are native Spanish speakers, and their first language is Arabic. Kyle has a little Spanish, and French, but he keeps getting mixed up between the two - I actually remember an amazing amount of French when I need to, but get shy to use it, and the Arabic is very difficult - too many foreign sounds. The Europeans, especially the young ones put us to shame - we met these people on the train that spoke perfect English and French, and they were Italian!

beautiful day.

I am still feeling warm and fuzzy, reliving moments of our wedding day. I just don't think I ever really understood just how amazing it is to be surrounded by a group of people with whom you share so much love. I really had a great day, and I know some people describe their day as a blur, but I remember all of it wonderfully.

I feel like I just can't say thank-you enough to everyone for coming, and helping, and just being extraordinary people that you are. I already said it once, but here it is again:

I would like start by giving my wholehearted thanks to all of you for sharing our wedding day with us. The love and the friendship that we have shared with you throughout so many stages of our lives has undoubtedly shaped us into the people we are today and the relationship we share with each other. I find it difficult to express how much gratitude I have for this.

We appreciate the gifts of those guests who have traveled to be able to join in today. I know we have guests who have faced their fear of flying in order to get here, and there are several guests who have traveled a great distance with busy young children to share with us. Thank-you.

We also thank Reverend Uncle Don Parsons for officiating this afternoon, and Reverend Granddad Pete Collins for his words during the ceremony. Thanks to everyone who has spoken this evening, to Jordan for is enthusiastic emceeing and thanks also to all of you who made this day possible by helping out behind the scenes. It is an incredible feeling to know that we have such an amazing support team.

We appreciate our friends. You accepted us for who we are, for all our strengths and vulnerabilities, and we love you for it. You have helped us to recognize the importance of loyalty, of laughing at ourselves and of asking for help. Whatever the distance is between us, we are bonded by our common memories. We are grateful that we share these memories with you.

We give thanks to our families. We have learned with your help, how to be kind to each other, to compromise, and to forgive. You have shown us the importance of sharing, of acceptance, and of supporting one another.

Britt and Alex, I cannot imagine a sistership I would rather be a part of. I can always count on you to get excited with me when I have good news, to ground me when I need grounding, and to take care of me when I need some TLC. I can also count on you always to tell me when my shoes just don’t go with my pants, and then to walk with me proudly when I refuse to change them. Tory and Katelyn, I am so excited to have you as sisters too. I feel like we have already shared some fantastic times together, and, although I don’t think that you are quite at the point of critiquing my fashion sense – I welcome your comments and suggestions – and I believe in the fact that you too will walk with me proudly should I choose to ignore them.

I have had a few occasions, especially with graduation being so recently, when people have remarked to me that my parents must be so proud. For a long time I fumbled with my response to these compliments, but now I know to say that, yes, indeed they are proud, and I lucky. Lucky to have two parents who supported me wholly in all my endeavours, loved me unconditionally, and created a home in which I was able to learn about respect, and develop self-confidence. For all your support in the 27 years leading up to today, I thank – you.

To Jean and Keith…I am grateful for your warmth and acceptance into the family. Contrary to my reluctance regarding group solitaire, I have felt very comfortable integrating into the Merritt bunch. Thank-you also, obviously, for creating this guy…and I don’t mean actually making him (although that is the first step I suppose) but thank you for being the family that you are, and supporting Kyle to grow into the person I have had the pleasure of knowing and loving for the past 3 years.

To Kyle, I thank you for your patience and honesty and for your kindness. I appreciate your quiet understanding, your thoughtfulness, and insight. I can’t do without your hugs, or your words, or your help organizing my paperwork…and I love you for all of it, and everything else too!

The advice that I will offer to those planning a wedding (and asking me for advice) will be:

1. It's not only your day, you are sharing it with your friends and family, and you live in a society in which weddings have existed longer that you have. Stick to your guns on a few things you really care about, but otherwise, have an open-mind.

2. You might feel like you need to plan every last little detail, but if you run out of time, or energy, then don't worry, things will actually still work out. I actually feel like having loose plans is the way to go, that way, whatever happens, you can be happy with the way it works out!

3. Your wedding day will be beautiful. I was totally surprised by how peaceful I felt, and how overwhelmed I was by the strength of the love I felt from everyone who attended. Whew.


And so, we graduated, and wedded, and then slept for a few days (almost straight). Tomorrow we fly to Madrid. We will be back from our Spain/Morocco adventure with just under 2 weeks to spare before moving to Prince George.

speedy spandex.

Well, I finished Vascular Surgery. It really helped me to appreciate hard work. I had a record low VISA bill last month, probably owing to the fact that any time I spent outside of the hospital was either sleeping, or trying to figure out when I could next be sleeping. I think it may have been a little hard on Kyle. I also learned fast, improved lots, and took on more responsibility than ever before, which I found to be quite fulfilling.


I am doing psychiatry right now. It is really helping me to appreciate not working hard. I am working at a day program for adolescents recovering from psychotic illness. The days are short, the pace is slow, and the responsibility is minimal. The work isn't as fulfilling, but I have time to sleep enough, exercise, cook good meals, bake, get some cleaning/organizing done, and see friends and family - quite fulfilling.

I hope that I am able to find a happy medium between the two types of 'fulfilling' I just mentioned. I guess that's what everyone hopes for - a balance between fulfilling work and personal life - I just don't know if everyone takes it seriously.

state of mind

Well, I think the fact that we will be moving to Prince George in June has finally sunk in. It took a little bit. I think that Match Monday would have been a weird day anyway, as every fourth year medical student in Canada is finding out just how much their lives are going to change (happy, disappointed, or just surprised). I don't know if being kind of blurry and post-call made much of a difference.

At first I was just thinking about how PG is actually really far away from Vancouver (10 hour drive) and Castlegar (11 hour drive), but not that exotic. I was pretty sad about the reality that we are going to be far away from not only our families, and our friend-family that has become so close over the last years. I am still sad to be dispersing, but I am excited for somewhere new, with an interesting population, and a strong program. I had even reached that point before we found out that Trisha and Cortney would be joining us in the Big George for the first year.

Also there is a Michael's. And, I am going to get some cross-country skiis...And a lot of down-filled items.

We don't know where we are going to be living yet, but just like the last post indicates, we are planning on having a second bedroom, so if you ever happen to be in the area (haha) please feel free to stop in for a sleep over.

two bedrooms and a den (like Kyle said).

I woke up this morning at the hospital. There was snow covering the road. Weird.

Kyle picked me up so I didn't have to try and ride to bike home.

I stayed up to check the match results. We are going to Prince George for our residency. Now I have to decide whether to go to sleep or go for brunch.

my speedball.

I love babies, and I love yarn (among many other things). Kyle always jokes about how I am addicted to both looking at pictures of babies belonging to friends and families on various blogs and looking at pictures of yarn craft, often at Etsy.com If I am to be honest, he isn't far off, so you can imagine my delight when I found this Etsy shop. Tiny babies wearing adorable knitted hats! When I showed Kyle he suggested that the pictures were my equivalent of a Speedball.

We had a fantastic CaRMs tour. I realized at the end of the trip that I had just completed an "in-law" tour as well, and it was wonderful also. I still have to get onto Kyle's computer so that I can put together some pictures of the adventure to post here. Despite our great time, returning from a tour of Canada in the winter to Vancouver with February sunshine and double-digit temperatures was enough to make me question why I have decided I need to get out of this city. The rain today is helping my mindset. Tomorrow is the deadline for Kyle and I to rank our program preferences, and then it is out of our hands. We will find out where we match to on March 9.

Yesterday was my last class of medical school, and even though there will be teaching involved in residency as well, I am considering it my last class of school - my first one being 21 and a half years ago. We get the next few days off to prepare for our OSCE (practical exams with standardized patients) this weekend, and then on Monday I start a vascular surgery rotation. I am experiencing anxiety about it almost entirely because I will have to be "on call" again. I haven't had to carry a pager, or try to sleep in a hospital bed, or work for 24+, or be up in the middle of the night feeling alone and not having the slightest idea how to answer the nurses/patient's question, since sometime last year. The thought of it makes quite frankly makes my stomach hurt. Even though I am not looking forward to it, I am glad that I have the opportunity to be on call one more time as a student. In July I will start a year full of hospital sleep-overs again, but then I will be the resident that the student calls when they don't know what to do.

trains, planes and automobiles.

written February 6, 2009

This morning we are chug-a-lugging our way from Ottawa to Kingston, and I am pretty excited to be completing my travel trifecta of trains, planes, and automobiles. In general this trip has been pretty exciting – not only have I been able to see a lot of Canada that I haven’t seen before, I have had the chance to visit friends across the country and meet almost all of Kyle’s extended family. It is like being on a really fun holiday, with several interspersed (slightly more stressful) interview days that may determine the rest of my predictable life.

When I posted last we were on our way to St. John’s, Newfoundland. We stayed in a hotel there with Trish and got a taste of life on ‘the Rock.” Highlights included standing on Cape Spear – the most eastern point of land in North America (and possibly the coldest/windiest place I have ever been), and our impromptu cab tour of a place called ‘the Battery’ led by our cab driver who looked like he had walked off a postcard, and spoke with such an accent that we only understood about every third word. They are a friendly, simple bunch over there – and we are definitely foreigners. The interview day was extremely long, but very friendly.

St. John’s lived up to its expectation of being the most exotic stop on the tour, and Ottawa lived up to its expectation of feeling the most “Canadian.” We stayed almost a full week with Kyle’s Auntie Brenda and Uncle John (who took very good care of us), and got to visit with Kyle’s cousin Justin and his fiancée Becky, Grandpa Merritt, and friends Jen and Shannon and Shannon’s family. Most Canadian moment goes to eating Beaver Tails while skating on the Rideau Canal, but I also got a kick out of sitting in on a session in the House of Commons, listening to part of the budget debate. The interview day was not as long nor friendly. So far it takes the prize for best organization, and best lunch.

And now we are en route to Kingston to stay with the Parsons-Sheldrakes and meet new baby Ewan. My interview day at Queen’s is on Tuesday.

scooby dooby doo boop.

written January 26, 2009

"Maybe the crazy fog has lifted, and Rachael has realized that life without me....ah-sucks!"
- Ross (Friends)

Vancouver was covered with fog for 10 days, ending Friday. Everyday the forecast would be for it to lift by late afternoon, and then be wonderfully sunny - but, despite its best efforts, Mr. Sun was foiled by some unique combination of pressure systems the meteorologists were really excited about. And then on Friday pressures changed, and with an admirable tag-team effort, Mr. Sun and the wind chased that fog right out of town. It was glorious. I finished off at work in time to go for a quick run before heading out to the airport and the warm sun, physical activity and beautiful view from Kits Beach had me feeling just so nice.

Kyle and I left Vancouver Friday evening to embark on our cross-Canada residency interview tour. Already interviewing with UBC and Dalhousie last week, our next stop was Calgary. We had interviews with the rural and urban programs Saturday. Temperature was -23 plus windchill. Yesterday we drove to Edmonton to visit Kyle's sister Tory - and the three of us hit the waterslides/wave pool at West Edmonton Mall yesterday afternoon. Favourite slide was a tie between the one that made you feel like you were being flushed down a toilet, and the one that was a series of drops and flat bits. On that second one we would pick up speed such that we got air on the second bump, and them a combination of inside-out eyelids and a super wedgy upon entry into the pool at the end. What fun.

Tomorrow we fly to Newfoundland.

change. stat.

I watched the inauguration on Tuesday morning, and, as did many other people who have minimal a understanding of politics and absolutely no personal connection to Barack Obama, I felt proud. Proud and lucky I would say.

As I stood watching the program in the middle of the Short Term Geriatric Assessment Unit (STAT), I realized what a reflective group of people I was sharing the historic moment with. The group consisted of: myself (a half black, half caucasian medical student); a black nurse in her sixties; two white women well over 80 who are geriatric patients - one with mental health issues and the other with special needs she has had since childhood; an Asian immigrant in her thirties who worked as kitchen staff; and Indian immigrant in her forties who worked as cleaning staff, and a doctor of Middle Eastern descent. All of us were equally curious and excited, and I realized that the American democratic system, whatever its strengths and pitfalls, has produced a president who is inspiring for such a diverse population that he has world listening with hopeful ears. He has already created positive change by virtue of his accomplishment.

The inauguration of President Obama will be added to my list of "World Affairs that I Remember Exactly Where I Was and What I was Doing as I Watched Them Unfold" along with, September 11, Princess Diana's Death, Columbine, and the Oaklahoma City Bombing.

This one is a positive memory.

shaking in their skins.

My Lisey got me these onion chopping goggles for Christmas. They are the perfect gift - something very useful, that I would absolutely, under no circumstances ever spend money on myself.

I can't figure out the name of the company that makes them, but they come with this interesting little nugget.

Why do onions make us cry?
When onions are cut, an enzyme called sulfoxide lyase and sulfuric compounds are released from the broken cells. When exposed to air, they react with one another to form a vapour called thiopropanal sulfoxide. As this vapour evaporates, it irritates our eyes and causes us to cry. Kitchen folklore remedies such as burning candles or matches, slicing onions under water and freezing the onions are comical at best. The two methods proven most effective in preventing onion-cutting tears are wearing goggles or contact lenses.

And they are extremely effective. Also, their foam-lined frames make them very comfortable to wear - I usually keep them on until I serve dinner. What is comical, is how you look when you have them on.

Here I am with my best onion-intimidating face:

why.

My mom sent me an e-mail about this news story. Apparently vandals broke into Camp Winfield, commonly referred by those who know it as, The Best Place on Earth (see here and here) last week and trashed it. The incident caused $15, 000 of damage, including pouring ketchup into the wooden piano in the dining hall. It can't be fixed.

It makes me sad. Sad to think that someone was troubled enough that they felt motivated to cause so much damage to such an extraordinary place. Sad that camp, which operates entirely on fund raised money to offer a summer-full of special kids, an incredible experience, free of cost. It takes a lot of fundraising to gain back $15,000 - and that is just to get back to even.

d-l-r-o-w.

Sometimes it’s only for a season.
-my dear friend John Koehn V

I can’t believe the words as I am typing them, “I almost passed out at a cardio-kick boxing class.” I don’t really know what makes me feel older – the fact that have resorted to community centre aerobics classes for physical fitness, or that my physical capabilities for whatever reason were lacking enough that I became light headed in a class where 80% of the other participants were obvious non-athletes. Please don’t get me wrong – that class was intense – it is listed on the website as “challenging” and I was getting my sweat on enough that I will surely be free-falling to the toilet for the next week at least (again with the old thing) – but seriously, pre-syncopal? C’mon Courtney.

Now, I know that I am not getting old, but I am clearly getting older – and I don’t know that I am alright with it. I would like to think that I will be satisfied with my current age, and everything it brings, for the rest of my life – I would – but my experience is that I have enjoyed each stage of my life so much that I don’t want to leave it for the next. As an older child I remember appreciating the book I Like to Be Little by Charlotte Zolotow so much it was as though the little girl in the book was speaking my thoughts.

“If I see something pretty I can draw it with crayons. Grown-ups don’t draw with crayons,” said that little girl.
“Usually not,” said the mother.
“I like to draw with crayons,” said the little girl.” That’s why I like to be little.”

I was never anxious to leave high school, for university, but when I got there I loved it, and I met new people, and I loved them too. Same with leaving SFU for medical school, and with graduation quickly approaching, I worry that I will miss all the people I have come to know and love very much in this (last) degree. I know that I have probably another 3-5 years of a transient lifestyle, and I guess I am really looking forward to eventually settling down into a community for some time.

Back to getting old. The theme of my reflections these days is just that. I am doing a Geriatric Medicine elective, and finding the work equally engaging and heart breaking. On my first morning I was introduced to a doctor who long-windedly explained to me his theories about why our species has old people. Why do we reproduce in our twenties and thirties, but some of us live to our eighties? Why don’t we just spawn and die like salmon or insects? “Because society needs our stories”, he said, “and when you are working with older patients, you have to always allow them to tell their stories, and remember they need to be heard.” I have kept this doctor’s advice at the forefront of my mind in the last week, and have found it very helpful. When a patient tells the 10 minute version of when they were born, instead of the year – I listen to their story. I’m learning a lot.

It is what has been both warming my heart, and breaking it. Most of the patients I have seen are having a hard time remembering the words they need, or their train of thought to be able to tell their story. But they are still surviving.

3...2...1...

Oh hello there 2009, you sneaky little devil.

And goodbye 2008, I enjoyed our time together. We started off slowly last January, with Kyle and I ringing in your existence along with moving boxes in the elevator of THE VINE.


I was tired and distracted, spending every fourth night at one hospital or another, but with the spring's additional daylight, came less call, and additional self-time, and we had a good rhythm going. Saturday afternoons at the beach, long weekends at the cabin.


Summer brought with it even more adventures: engagement, camp, kayaking and extended family at Christina Lake, and Fall brought more of the same: Halifax, Duncan, Mayne Island.


2008, your winter brought with it a great plenty of applications, and President Obama, and Preparation for Medical Practice, crafting, and snow, yes, quite a bit of snow...and of course the holidays, as predicted. It’s been a slice.


Back to you 2009. I am getting myself psyched-up for you. It seems we will move through life stages and phases at a pace that is likely only rivaled by my 1983, which included me doubling my body weight, and learning how to crawl, walk, talk, feed myself and recognize my parents. I am starting you as Miss. Courtney Collins who lives in Vancouver, and by your half-way mark I will be Dr. Courtney Merritt (?) who lives...somewhere else. You promise to be exciting and celebratory, and terrifying. Here we go.

hall decking 2008.

This year, instead of the usual ramp up to Christmas Holidays, I had a slow ramp down, which I appreciated very much. Our last year and a half of clinical work, was punctuated by one week completely off to finish our applications for residency programs, and then three weeks back in the classroom, with no exams and minimal homework. It certainly made me realize just how much more efficient clinical learning is, but it was a welcome change of pace. I filled my extra time with plenty of reading, and baking, and crafting of all sorts. Loved it.

Above: My first ever independent Christmas baking: Lemon Shortbread

The usually busy Christmas holidays reached an all new pace this year, one approaching what is referred to in Space Balls as, ludicrous speed. Kyle stayed in Vancouver until December 23rd to be able to attend early turkey dinner with my mom’s side of the family, and the annual (and animated as usual) gathering with the Leclair’s.


I did stayed in town and did the lower mainland tour, and then went to Castlegar on December 29th for my first Kootenay winter. Kyle and I, along with his sisters, his cousin and girlfriend, and the Gooshers hiked into the cabin to ring in the New Year.


Today is the first needed breath-catching time I've had since before the break, and earlier, when I was thinking to myself (as I was catching my breath) I thought of the fact that even though the holidays are such a crazy time, I am grateful that I have so many people to share my life and some food and some wine with. I love them all.